TED REVIEW

By Sean Smyth... Obviously.

One part Comedy, One part Drama, One part Magic Christmas Miracle, One part Family Guy, heat past "R", stir well. Enjoy.

This being my first review, I'm going to try to not blow it too hard or fast. Giggity. 

Ah yes. Seth MacFarlane, how I love your zany, witty, somewhat idiotic brand of comedy. It suits me well; and Ted is in the same vein, only with something that MacFarlane only now has been incorporating into the beloved Family Guy series. A heart. 

I love me some Family Guy, and it's equally funny sister American Dad, and even the awkward brother not many people talk about, The Cleveland Show. I can quote lines from those shows all day with my friends and laugh each and every time like a pre-pubesent little school girl. So going into MacFarlane's directorial debut, knowing he also wrote and lent his voice to the title role, I was running with my hopes on high, bordering on side splitting. 

As you may or may not know. Ted is about a young eight year old boy who makes a Christmas wish to bring his new Teddy Bear to life so they can be BFF's. Fast forward twenty some years,  John Bennett (Mark Wahlberg) is now a rental car salesman and Ted, a former childhood star, for being a talking Teddy Bear,  is now just a washed up stoner bum. John and Ted have been paling around for years, getting high and talking nonsensical BS, while enjoying the finer things of their childhood years such as "Flash Fucking Gordon!"

Enter Lori Collins (Mila Kunis), a successful young woman working at a big PR firm led by her jackass boss Rex (Joel McHale), the always funny douche with a tendency to hit on Lori by any means necessary. Needless to say Lori puts a wrench in Ted and John's usual routine and after four years Lori is looking for a commitment from John; forcing him to grow up and be a man with upper lip hair and everything. 

Now maybe I got my hopes a little too high or something, but for some reason I didn't find myself splitting at the seams. 

I thought long and hard, giggity, about why this happened. It has all the elements there; a wise cracking stuffed bear, a series of cut scenes (Family Guy style), a crazy chase scene, a duck fight at a wild party, a crazy, old school, horrible TV show star, and a series of Family Guy friends, with awesome one liner scenes.

I think the main issue I had was with the audience full of assholes who were talking on their phone most of the movie and didn't understand the jokes, which in my opinion makes them Petarded. 

That being said the real issue, as I mentioned in the opening, is this bad boy has a major heart. Now this isn't a bad thing, it's just not what I expected. The entire film is about relationships with friends and love and how to find the balance between the two, which everyone can relate to. However the friend in this case is a life long "Thunder Buddy" Teddy Bear (say that three times fast), who can say no to that?

As the film progresses Ted is asked to move out so Lori and John can move on and grow in their relationship. Ted reluctantly accepts but that doesn't necessarily lead to John moving on. Ted constantly eggs John to come back to him, which pushes Lori away thus causing a rift between Ted and John. 

You coming over or what, Snuggles?

Meanwhile Donny (Giovanni Ribisi) and his creepy son show up a few times being, well, super creepy. They continuously try to buy Ted and his love, with a pretty major part in the third act involving that chase scene I was talking about, but I won't spoil it here. 

Ted is something different it's technically a hard "R" with all of the F-Bombs dropped, but it doesn't feels like it breaks new ground in terms of hugely outrageous raunchy comedies due to its dramatic aspect; which I believe works out great. Each actor brings their own personal charm and skill. MacFarlane is always hilarious, but is able to hit some real emotional peaks. Kunis, I must say, has grown much more as an actress and is genuinely believable as the beauty Lori. While Wahlberg, who does well and is hilarious just because it's Marky Mark who usually plays the big action movie star, is thrust into a romantic comedy disguised as a raunchy thrill ride, and seems just out of place enough for it to work. Though he does feel a little old for the part, especially in comparison to Kunis. 

Then there is the overall plot. As funny as the bear and the movie is, the plot is weak, and staggers around here and there, connected by a series of events and doesn't feel like anything really happens until around the middle of the movie. Although, Ted does manage to end on a pretty strong and hilarious note that makes you both smile, laugh, and if your not a heartless bastard, choke up, just a little, at the least. 

Is four hookers too much for a stuffed bear with no penis? 

Note I do not hate this movie and I will most likely watch it again and find it even more hilarious the second time around just like I do with Family guy. As for right now though, Ted feels like another sappy Hollywood love story with a crude talking bear, with all the funnier parts shown in the trailer-like many other comedies. But, I will say this, Ted did surprise me and was more than the trailer let on.  And it is because of that allusion, I give it 3.5 blips out of five. Get it?

Well, there you have it, my first review. I'm considering this a practice run, and won't actually be launching the blog until Monday, just want to get the gist of this whole thing. If you happen to read this, let me know what you think. 

Oh by the way, Patrick Stewart is by far the best narrator ever, and has an unbelievably awesome little bit about an Apache Helicopter that actually made me cry with laughter, and I may or may not have been the last one still laughing and everyone may or may not have been glancing over at me oddly.