So let's get this out of the way as quick and clean as possible. I feel like I am treading through waves and waves of plankton here people and I guess that would make me a whale. Time to eat you. SO, The Dark Knight Rises hit theaters last week. I wasn't going to go (YET!) but extra tickets are extra tickets. So I go, take the handicap seats because no one else nabbed them, and watched the shit show explode around me. Billions of people acting like fools while I am waiting patiently to watch a movie, some entertainment, some art to be IVED into my veins. Bad stand up comics, bad gangsters, BADDDD girls surround me. Bad start.
Rises (because everyone knows what I am talking about) as an action movie is a 10/10. High budget explosions are everywhere. Also, I guess this is the spoiler alert, but I could be saying things that you might not like but you shouldn't be reading a review of a movie after it has come out. Sooo, big explosions, kind of big fights scenes, cool gadgets as always (the BAT! which really doesn't make any sense to me. Why would the rotors be below the cockpit?) The sound editing was amazing throughout the film and if this movie gets voted for any Oscars it should be sound editing and best supporting actor (Joseph Gordon-Levitt.)
But I am not here to give you some pity score just because this movie is popular throughout humanity. As a film, this movie gets a six. I probably shouldn't say this but Nolan gets a lot of cred for being a great director. I like a lot of his movies but that doesn't mean everything he puts out is amazing cinema.
There is way to much happening in the film to actually feel any emotional resonance coming from the plot points. Batman throwing down the rope after escaping the Pit. You see it out of the corner of the screen. The love connection between Cat Woman and Batman is completely just passed over. They hang out and try to trust each other (while Anne totally fucks with him) and then she tries to get him to NOT save Gotham and run off with her. This is crazy women mumbo jumbo that either makes no sense to me or just isn't clearly shown through the movie. Bane falls off track. He sounds like a dwarf from the Lord of the Rings and is totally bad ass. Not only is he smart, strong willed, and a killer but he also seems to get politics way more then the Joker ever did. But then he just gets shot with a gun (from the bat-cycle) and falls off the movie for good? And is easily replaced by some executive women gone crazy bitch? You think she would show some sort of sympathy for Batman because he was GOING TO COME BACK FOR HER BEFORE SHE GOT MURDERED. Here is this heightened, climaxical (made up) fight scene and she pulls out a fucking pocket knife and everyone gets all, lets talk this out. No way, no way, no way.
Then if we want to dig into this deeper. You know get to the gritty, critical film analysis or whatever, the thing literally does not stay on one thread at all. I feel like you could just say this movie is about politics after the internet and be done with it. Each note Nolan hits is really exceptional but then easily forgotten when the next scene pans in because the next "deep" thought is no where connected to the last. There is some interesting things going on in here though. Bane is basically New Government. Out with the old, in with the new (or the same old, same old.) I loved the scene where he broke into Wayne's armory because I think it shows the grasp on innovation through patents. There is all these hidden things that could be saving us but they could also be harming us (NUCLEAR, OIL, ANY RESOURCE) and look what happens when you give it to the "people" or a true democracy. Everything turns into Anarchy because what do you know, common folk don't know anything about running a country.
I also feel like Bane is supposed to be some take on an identity. He says he never meant anything without the mask (like every hero and villain ever) which could play into how we feel Invisible on the Internet because guess what, you can't harm me. Well you can hack me and take all my money but yah know, money doesn't buy happiness and all that metagarbage.
Anne Hathaway could of been way sexier. Only sexy moment with her is when she gets into the bat cycle. Boooooiiinnnnngggggg. But that's it. She's the main reason I wanted to see this damn movie and nothing.
The ending was really sloppy and must of been trying to cut 50 hours of footage into two in a half hour movie and eventually going, okay, okay, this thing is going to make money. WORST DEATH SCENE EVER by Miranda. She spouts off something about knowing the flood code (how? and how did she activate it remotely without any remote?) and then cranes her neck down and closes her eyes equals dead. Then Batman is like, I am there god and they will witness me perish, but then (spoilllerrrrrrssss) he is still alive? Oh he's a super hero, oh yeah. Batman isn't a super hero. He is just a hero with gadgets so he can fucking die if he wants to. Bane is AWOL. Gotham is somehow yet again fine after being treated like shit for 5 months and being in a state of actual totalitarianism with the false illusion of true democracy. The military looks dumb and I guess is Nolan saying "hey why you so dumb and not believe us?"
The butler blubbering or crying was hideous and almost looked like laughter. Morgan is and will always be a badass but he should of killed Miranda for being a bitch. The commish somehow goes from old, to looking literally a week after death, to running around and saving the day (SLAPSTICK STYLE.) There might also be some weird play into not thinking we need to be protected but cops isn't some profession but a way of life like after these guys were stuck in a hole for a few months and then come out to sacrifice themselves to a cause that they didn't really need to be at. Couldn't batman take the truck after the first few weeks and just throw it into the ocean basically mirroring the ending of the movie but without the heightened tension and he wouldn't have "died."
Also that bomb was supposed to be something like 1000x stronger then an a-bomb. Oh let's just put this over the ocean and be okay with it. That shit would of fucked up way more then just 12 million peoples lives. Also Gotham seems to be a shitty city anyways, axe them a long time ago like we did New Jersey. There should of been a tsunami from that blast that would probably kill off Gotham anyways but, hey look, END OF MOVIE!!! Let's all clap to the screen or to the projector or just...let's just clap for being alive to see THE DARK KNIGHT RISES.
Pros
-So much action
-Decent Acting
-Kind of Smart
-Nolan is done with the trilogy. Congrats man. Want to get a beer?
Cons
-Sloppy plot twists and plot points
-No connection with any character
-Not sexy enough
-Bane disappears?
Question after the review. Who is going to be the next villian?
ReplyDeleteOswald Cobblepot.
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